Episode 21 - Trusting Yourself
Hey Rebels!! Welcome back! We are starting Season 3 of the podcast, and I have to tell you, I'm so excited to be back! We're talking about Trusting Yourself today, and this is one of the skills you'll learn how to do in the first step of my 3-part Triple-A framework in the Career Rebel Academy. There is nothing more empowering than deciding you have the authority to make decisions for yourself, particularly when you're considering a career pivot, transition, or advancement. And while it seems simple, it's a lot easier said than done, which is why I wanted to open the season with this topic.
So let's start with what I mean by trusting yourself. I'm talking about listening to your own voice, intuition, and internal wisdom, making a decision, and then taking action based upon that, trusting that whatever decision you make and action you take, it's the right action and decision for you.
It's listening to and then exploring that nagging voice or whisper that's been telling you it's time for something more, something different.
That voice that whispered saved my life the night I was in a near-fatal car accident that I talked about in the initial episode of the podcast, and since then, I've learned to give it my full attention. Because of it, I've learned to trust myself and know that I'll always make the right decision. So that's why helping women learn to rely on themselves and trust their inner wisdom is what we work on in the Ascertain (Discovery) Phase of the CRA Framework.
I knew it was critical to teach women how to do this because when women come to the doors of CRA, I either get women who are a YES, where have you been all my life, and join immediately, or others who are, as I call "driving with the breaks on" who have A LOT of questions. The questions are something like, "Are you going to show/tell me what to do?" "Are you going to walk me step by step in getting the job or career I want?" "Are you going to guarantee me that I can get what I want?"
When I get all of these questions, which on the surface seem legitimate, I know what's really going on is that she doesn't trust herself. She doesn't trust her ability to make a good decision and probably looks to others she finds credible or reliable to tell her what to do. She's looking for external sources of reassurance because she hasn't built in her own internal source of self-confidence.
When you look for others to "tell you what to do," here's what happens, not only do you NOT gain confidence in yourself, your wisdom, your intuition, or own your experiences; you'll also use (me or others telling you what to do) as evidence that you can't trust yourself or shouldn't have confidence in yourself.
When you rely on me to tell you to take that job, go to that interview, quit your job, change careers, stay where you are, etc. What you do is gain greater confidence in ME, not in you. You also absolve yourself from being responsible for your own decisions and your own life. So when it works, you trust me, not you. But when it doesn't work, you not only don't trust me, but you still don't trust yourself, so it's still a lose, lose situation.
But when you trust yourself and make decisions, then whatever decision you make will be the RIGHT one because it was your decision, based on you trusting YOURSELF.
That's why in the work I do for my clients, I don't tell them what to do, I help them trust that voice inside that's been there all along, guiding them, supporting them, encouraging them, and giving them the answer, but they've been ignoring and distrusting.
Let me give you an example. I recently had a past client reach out to me wanting to talk about a potential promotion opportunity. She was confused about what to do because it seemed like the logical next step in her career journey; she was seduced by the title and salary increase and told me that all the support and encouragement she was receiving in applying for the promotion was intoxicating. So she talked herself into believing it was a great opportunity but wanted to talk it through with me to get prepped for the interview.
But after the weekend, she emailed me and said, "I did my own soul-searching on the position using the training and coaching we worked through before, and I decided not to go for it." But, she said, I'm in the right place, and the work I'm doing is so powerful, and there's so much more for me to do. Once I started listing to my own voice and trusted myself, I was able to make the right decision for me." She went on to say, "I'm sure it was the right decision because my mind is freer than it's been in months. Thank you."
That's what trusting yourself looks like. Learning to trust yourself will equip you with what you need to make some of the most important decisions in your life.
But because we're so desperate for answers and don't want to sit in the discomfort of the unknown, we do things like ask others what they have or would have done in the same situation and then copy the steps they've taken without any regard for the disparities around who they are, their values, vision, or goals. I mean, it's no wonder we find it hard to rely on ourselves for the answers. We've been socialized to believe we have to follow "best practices" of what other people have done to ensure we make the best decisions.
But if somebody else tells you what to do, you'll never know how to replicate it. You won't know how to create more of what you want to create. You won't know how to set any goal and achieve it. The Career Rebel Academy teaches you this inner game work that's so critical to your success. Understandably, you don't know how to do that right now because you don't have any confidence in yourself; you haven't been listening to that inner voice, that whisper, and you've been relying on other people to tell you what to do.
But you don't want to depend on other people to solve your problems. You want to be a person who knows that they can figure out how to solve their own problems. As my client did, you want to make empowered decisions, not disempowering ones.
So when I'm asked, "Are you going to show/tell me what to do?" "Are you going to walk me step by step in getting the job or career I want?" "Are you going to guarantee me that I can get what I want?”
I tell them the answer is no. Now, I'm absolutely going to give you the exact process you need to design an epic career and life you love and the questions you'll need to explore and answer to make the best possible decisions for your life and career. To figure out your next best steps. The difference between me giving you the answers and the process and the questions that will help you make the right decision for you is the difference between trusting and relying on me and trusting and relying on yourself.
It's not me who does the work to get the results, it's you, AND if you don't trust yourself to do that, you won't get what you want…even with a proven process and system.
Me telling you what to do is not going to help you. Telling you what to do or listening to other well-meaning advice is what got you here in the first place. It's been the inability to listen to that voice inside, your instinct, your inner wisdom, which is why you desperately want someone to tell you what to do, reassure you, walk you step-by-step, and guarantee that you'll get what you want.
Yes, it's uncomfortable; it's scary. But discomfort is the currency of dreams. So you want somebody to deliver to you something that is not actually going to help you.
One of the things I work toward and pride myself on is that when my clients leave me, they don't need to come back. Because I didn't hand them a fish, making them dependent upon me, I taught them to fish, so they could always depend upon themselves. If they do come back it’s to further their skills, not because they don’t trust themselves or know what to do.
So I teach you how to NOT rely on me, but instead, I teach you how to depend on YOU, to trust YOU.
How do I do that? We start with helping you see what's utterly and absolutely amazing about YOU. We begin by discovering your superpowers. That includes your zone of genius, your values, what makes you awesome, what you do exceptionally well, and what you have to offer to the world. Then, you'll take a walk back through your past to reaffirm what you know in your soul to be true but have denied or ignored for far too long.
We'll also do an exercise where I'll take you through a process of exploring the qualities you admire, love, and see in others. What we see in others is what we ourselves value and is most often something that's reflected in us. It's something we already have. You may not feel like you fully own those things yet, but what we see in others is often within us.
So what you value in others, what you admire most about others, and what your superpowers are, helps you see what's so unique about yourself so that you can trust yourself.
These tools help us learn to trust ourselves and rely on our decision-making abilities.
And then you have the time and space to try out and test your decisions to evaluate them and then recalibrate if necessary, all the while growing in your self-confidence and trust in yourself. This is not a solo effort. It's not going to be a lonely endeavor. I'm always in a coaching program along with your peers and other coaches to guide you through a self-discovery process. Again, not answering your questions but being part of a community that helps you answer your own questions.
And this is an entirely NEW concept for so many, and because they trust that inner voice, that whisper that says YES, they make the disempowering choice to turn away, looking for programs or people who will tell them what to do, furthering their own distrust.
I know it's hard because we've been taught that other people have the right answer since we started school. We were never taught to find our own solutions but to regurgitate what other people taught us. Pretty much unless you took philosophy or critical thinking in college, you were not taught to look outside of yourself for the answer. And frankly, even in those classes, there was a correct answer for the test.
History has told us that only a few people in power are allowed to decide what is and isn't okay. And if you weren't one of the few people in power, then who are you to decide for yourself?
We have a history of shunning people, excommunicating people, hell, and burning people at the stake for choosing to follow their own voice, to trust themselves over what others are telling them to do. It's one of the reasons we struggle with listening to that voice that says do something different, something more, because what will other people think or do. We're pack animals, and we want to be liked and accepted. And if you want to know more about that, just listen to the podcast episode I did on people-pleasing.
In my coaching program, we teach you how to trust yourself and rely on your own inner wisdom instead of other people; but you also provide the space you need to challenge ALL of your old narratives and limiting beliefs and any old ways of thinking that have kept you trapped or stuck in your current situation. As a result, you'll develop the authority, power, and ability to answer your own questions and make decisions for yourself.
After all, that's what being a Rebel is all about! Trusting yourself, listening to that inner voice telling you it's time. Not to make a move based on others' advice or opinion, but to slow down and learn what that voice is trying to tell you.
Well, that's all I got for you today, Rebels. Remember, step one is just listening to and acknowledging that inner voice. The next step is learning to trust it. You can join me in CRA if you want to learn how.
Until next time Rebels, have an amazingly rebellious week!