Carol:
Hey, Rebels. Welcome back to another episode of the podcast. And today I am so excited because we have an amazing guest with us today. Regina Young is not only the host of the very popular and widely listened to podcast Teatime Midlife Edition. She's also a bestselling author of Overcoming Mediocrity and has so much wisdom to share about what it means to be at this time of your life, in the middle of our lives, and from a multitude of perspectives. But definitely in terms of our conversation of what it means in terms of career, career choice, of stepping into another iteration of you. And I am so excited that she decided to join us today. Regina, welcome to the podcast.
Regina:
Oh, thank you. Thank you, Dr. Carol. I'm excited to be here. Cheers.
Carol:
Cheers. Cheers. We have the information, the deets, if you will, are in the show notes to learn more about Regina. But I would love for you just to share with us your journey, your story, what got you from where you are to doing this amazing podcast that you do, and having this amazing platform where you're helping so many other people in midlife, and women in particular.
Regina:
Thank you for just the opportunity to speak. I really appreciate it. I'm like everyone else. When you get to that point and menopause kicks in and you don't know who to go to and you think, oh, the people I can count on are going to be there. But unfortunately, my mother passed away at that time. That's the one thing. And my three aunts, they didn't go through menopause. They had medical conditions that had them not be in menopause. But I just really got clear. I'm at a high ticket pharmaceutical job and I'm like, people, they need things, and they're wanting me to deliver and I'm going through menopause. And I'm like, oh my God, should I quit? And I was like... Because I can't keep two thoughts in my head together.
But then I met a woman who was generous and midlife like myself. She was a little quiet, but she was very successful. And we just started meeting for coffee, actually make that tea because I don't even drink coffee. Sorry about that. And we would meet at three o'clock and we would share what we were doing around our symptoms, and she would share some things. And I just got to feel that sense of community. And that is what opened the door. And the only reason why I started there, because when the pandemic hit, because this is when I came around to creating Teatime Midlife Edition.
I was very clear, wow, what if I'm not the only one going through this? And what popped in my head was Teatime Midlife Edition. And that's how I got started. So literally in midlife, and even though I had a career working for a pharmaceutical company, what ended up happening is that pharmaceutical company got sold. I was like, this was a great time to pivot. I'm in a clearing and I recognize it. Oh my God. And recognizing that you're in a clearing is an opening to create whatever you ever wanted to do. And that was the beginning.
Carol:
I love that. Recognize when you're in a clearing. Ugh, I love that. That is such a great phrase, that you have this space and this opening. The way I imagine it is that this open feel with this opportunity to just take off into something completely new.
Regina:
Absolutely.
Carol:
Love that.
Regina:
It's just this space where you can create anything you ever wanted. You could literally silence yourself, sit still long enough to hear your heart talk to you and tell you what's there is to do. And that's exactly what I did.
Carol:
That's so beautiful. And I love that this started just by sitting down in community and conversations. Because I often say that for women, we get so much out of being in community with other people.
Regina:
Absolutely.
Carol:
Our society is so geared toward individualism and isolation. But I think as women, we really thrive when we're in community and connecting and sharing. And as they say, rising ties lift all boats.
Regina:
Yes.
Carol:
So when you're collaborating and supporting each other, there's so much more that we can do and so much more information that we can receive to really help us. I love that the podcast started, but with the two of you all sitting down over tea talking.
Regina:
Absolutely. Community.
Carol:
Yeah. I love that. We were talking a little bit earlier about the fact that you just stepped into a new role.
Regina:
Absolutely.
Carol:
Tell us about that.
Regina:
Absolutely. During the pandemic, there was that period of time where I'm working with entrepreneurs, and I was really clear that that's really great and I'm clear I need community. And I'm clear that some corporate jobs can be community. I saw a role and actually I networked, and that was something new for me to do in midlife because usually I go get my role. You know what I mean? I choose it. I go get it. But I actually networked and it really opened up a whole new avenue and a whole new experience. The thing that I think that really made me proud was when I was looking for the community I wanted to be a part of, I wanted to make sure it had the same values I wanted, not just a job for a job. See, in midlife, we can choose something that with our values, we don't have to choose just to earn money because that's not really honoring your...
I assert the second half of your life because you wanted to be about something that sparks your passion and your values are a great place to start. So one thing I got to say, it did take a while. I mean, my gosh, I think it took all together like five months.
Carol:
Wow.
Regina:
Yeah, it took a while. And I know it's so surprising because you're thinking five months, most jobs in the past, I can get within, let's say a month, a month and a half, two months at the most. But that's one thing you might find that's new in midlife, besides the old formulas that used to work in the past. You're like, I've got a great resume. I've worked for great companies. I've got a lot of accomplishments. And you thought, oh, that's enough. Now, for some people that may be enough. But for me, and my experience, it literally took three different interviews with three different positions to find the match with the community experience I was looking for, and the values that were the same. And the same enthusiasm, because that was what I was bringing. That was something you can't quite bottle up on a resume.
Carol:
You shared so much wisdom just in this amount of time, because one, yes, it took you five months, but what you're saying is that it took five months because you also took your time in that five months, right?
Regina:
[inaudible 00:07:41].
Carol:
Like you said, you were looking for where there's an alignment of values. It wasn't just about the money, so it was about the community and the values and where you wanted to really connect in to lend your brilliance to at the moment, and that's something I always tell women, is that it's not just about finding a job, it's about finding a space where you can function at your highest level.
Regina:
Exactly.
Carol:
And where you're plugged in, and not only can you get something from it, but you're contributing in a way that makes you feel of value and that you're giving value and things of that nature, which it sounds like that was one of your biggest things, which I really... And networking and not just having conversations and seeing what's up, being proactive in the process of getting something to see what's out there, what resonates with you. Those were two big things that I just wanted to highlight that you said that I think are absolutely necessary in this new way of job searching.
Regina:
Absolutely. And the other thing is to have that continuous learning, and I say flexibility mindset. It really is about being a continuous learner because if you stop learning what you basically know got you maybe through the door, but it won't keep you there. So you have to be flexible enough to be willing to learn something new because like technology, everything keeps growing so should you.
Carol:
Yeah, totally. I would love for you to speak more about what you said, which I think was another powerful thing and something I've been preaching forever is that 20th century job search, career development techniques do not work in this new landscape of work, in the future of work that really... And I know it's what we grew up with, is what we know, but it does not work anymore. And we have to take a new approach if we want to go after doing the work that we love. I would love for you to talk a little bit more about that. When you say that the old formulas and stuff, just don't cut it.
Regina:
Oh yeah, that is so great. In the past, I could just say, I accomplished this at this job. I accomplished that at this job. And they're not asking that question anymore. What they're asking is what kind of technology... What technical experience do you have? How did you make a difference? How did you input? Did you input things into this new system? Did you learn it quickly? They want to know technical skill mindset, not just, can you run this software? It's like, no, can you start from not knowing this technology and get up to speed very quickly? And I'm like, absolutely.
Did that for a lot of the entrepreneurials, because I actually worked for a, let's say, property manager and he had lots of properties, but I've never worked on a property software before. But guess what? I was willing to learn and I could learn very quickly. And that speaks to your confidence in your ability to continuously learn. And they heard that because that is what they require. The other thing is they check for behavior. I know your past behavior has a bearing on it, but it is, well, what was your mindset when you did that? Let's say accomplishment. Did you learn anything from that once you accomplished that? Who benefited from that accomplishment? I was like, huh, whoa. I don't think I thought of all that. So it was really great to have three separate interviews. By the first interview, I understood the difference between the past and what is currently being asked of me. And that made a difference.
Carol:
Yeah. And that's the thing, I think what has been changing, yes, we are in an uncertain world right now because the pandemic has taught us that if nothing else, we have to stay on our feet. The utilization of technology, because what if we all get sent home again, and we have to know how to use it, but also this human-centric approach to really understanding who you are and what your contribution would make to the organization just from a human-centric approach. In terms of your beliefs and values and contributions and where you see yourself fitting into the place. I think definitely what I've been seeing as part of the movement and what employers are looking for to really look for matches to people that are come in. But I am curious, was there ever a thought, or did you ever have experiences that maybe some of them had a little hint of ageism to them as well?
Regina:
Yes. I did get one experience where I was a little confused. I didn't get the experience of, you want to know about me, what I can bring to the table. It's almost like it was a formality. You are a number in this situation, and I need to get this... I have to do this like that. And the questions did not land. It was almost looking for I gotcha. I'm going to give you a question that to me, it was just like, I gotcha. And there you go.
Carol:
Interesting.
Regina:
And so, it was just looking for a way to, let's say, cancel you out. And I got that experience. So I didn't get this experience of, you are getting to know me and I'm getting to know you, to see if we are a fit. And that was the real thing that was like, hmm, I'll just chalk this up to a learning experience of what questions they are... Where are they gauging their questions from.
Carol:
Yeah, that's a really great insight. And I think something to be aware of, because ageism is very real. It's one of the things... Well, progression has been made around a lot of DEI initiatives. Ageism is one that still is problematic because there's a lot of myths and assumptions that if you're of a certain age, either you're stuck in your ways or you don't know technology or you are going to come in and not be nimble and flexible or things of that nature, which is what they're looking for. So I'm glad you're speaking to that. There was a little bit of sense of that in some of these interviews that you were having that probably people were coming in with a certain mindset. And I love how you dealt with it, just chalking it up to a learning experience.
Regina:
That's it. And I actually, I cannot remember the study that I saw that ageism is all facets of the hiring process. It can be from the resume, too much experience on there, to the looking at the interview itself or just deciding not to give that person a chance to interview. And then on the back end where you actually get an interview and they just choose to not pick you and they go with someone younger. And it isn't based on experience, it's just based on your age.
Carol:
Absolutely. And I do a lot of that. And the coaching, the program I work with, clients who are putting their resumes together. We talk about how to make it almost... Nothing's ever foolproof, but definitely try to make it age proof and how to position yourself on your resume so that people can't read into it and then try to disqualify you ahead of time.
Regina:
Absolutely.
Carol:
I'm curious, if any, as you were going through this process, mindset things that you had to think about or work on or to really help you as you went back out there into that process?
Regina:
One of the things I had to do was give myself some grace and ease, because you get nervous. You're like, I'm going back out there again. Will they see the level of tenaciousness or perseverance in my space? Or do they see it as like, ooh, she's a career jumper. She's going from here to there. Where I just look at it as a continuous thing because they're all continuous learning opportunities and growing. I had to give up my story of what it would be looking like out there, going out there.
Carol:
Oh, I love that. You can't just be stuck in one way of thinking, but to really allow yourself to be more expansive around that.
Regina:
Exactly. And just let some things happen. So that means I may not have the ability, I can't predict that. So stop predicting, just stop that. And then at one point when nothing was happening, I had to slow down, take a breath and say, nothing's wrong. Just because nothing's happening doesn't mean anything's wrong, just means nothing's happening at the moment. And the opportunity might need to get pieced together. And it wasn't. There was the holidays, it broke it up. Hello. So there was things in place that you cannot predict. So you have to... Just because nothing's happening does not mean something's wrong. And I had to keep moving. So even though that opportunity is not happening quick enough, that doesn't mean one egg in one basket.
Carol:
Oh my God, that is so brilliant. I mean, because I always talk about that at this stage of midlife, when you're going after something new or you're taking a pivot, that is the inner and outer game, right?
Regina:
Yes.
Carol:
There are the strategies and techniques you need to know. And definitely not the old ones, but the new ones. But boy, your mindset is so important. And what you said about stop predicting what you think other people will say, because we do. We sit in this whole thing around, well, what will they think and what are they thinking or what will happen? And we could waste so much time trying to get into somebody else's head that we don't even know if that's in their head. That we're not spending enough time in our own heads to get ourselves together. And the other thing you said that if things don't happen the way you think, that doesn't mean anything's wrong.
It's just another opportunity to learn and to pivot. And I think we at midlife, there's so many fears and uncertainty, and it's so quick for us to say, if something doesn't go the way we planned to say, I knew I was wrong. I knew I shouldn't have went in that direction. I knew something was wrong with me or whatever. And we just internalized that to think that it's a sign or something as opposed to, no, nothing's wrong. It's just another learning opportunity to know how to pivot and go after something different. I love that you said that.
Regina:
Absolutely. That is the key, because there is a lot of fear. I can't deny in midlife, there's a lot of fear. And it takes something to give up the fear. I mean to me, it's flat out a choice. Get busy living or get busy dying. There's only two choices here. There's only two choices.
Carol:
Love it. That's a tweetable.
Regina:
There's only two choices, so I just choose to get busy living, and that includes being agile and being flexible. And that's how you pivot very quickly when things are not going exactly the way you want. And you get the choice to choose what's next because you are designing your life. That's what you're doing in the second half of your life. You're designing it. You don't have to do it for your mom, your dad, your brother, your cousin. You're doing it for you.
Carol:
Yes. And I think that's some of the most scary thing, because we've never done that.
Regina:
It's fair to say.
Carol:
It's almost the first time we've actually asked ourselves what do we want? And just becoming into that discovery of that. But I love what you said about the fact that we get to choose, that we get to decide what it is that we want to do for ourselves. And I think just really asking ourselves that question to get clear on that is just so important and so valuable. And the fact that we're not allowing... We get to decide what makes sense for us. We get to decide the way that we want to move. I think the things that you shared were just so right on, is so amazing.
Regina:
Yeah, it's a muscle you have to develop. You have to continually keep going inside because what you're looking for is inside. It isn't outside you. That's not the answer. It's inside you. That's where the answer is.
Carol:
Say that again.
Regina:
That it is not outside you. It is inside you. That's where the answer is.
Carol:
Yes. And for so many years, we look for external validation to prove that we're on the right track, but it actually has been inside all along. And the other thing I just wanted to make an... Just really to highlight is when you talked about being agile and nimble and flexible, because that is the misnomer that I think a lot of... And myths about people aging, is that we're not agile, we're not nimble, that we can't adjust and go with the flow. And that's exactly what organizations are looking at. So the fact that you were able to pivot in real time just shows how you're going to be able to do it in a work situation.
So adapting that way of thinking, even in this process, if you're pivoting or coming into something new, being agile, not making it mean everything, not thinking that nothing went wrong, having that attitude that is going to help you be successful in landing something. Because that's exactly what employers are looking for, is the people who can go with the flow, who can pivot on a dime if something goes wrong like we just had in the pandemic. That it doesn't mean chaos and craziness or the world's going to end that you know that, oh, that's just another thing. Let me pivot. Let me go to it.
Regina:
Absolutely.
Carol:
You're dropping gold here.
Regina:
Cheers.
Carol:
Love it. I do want to talk a little bit about your book, Overcoming Mediocrity. I love, first of all, love that title. As I always talk about...
Regina:
Unstoppable women. It's to [inaudible 00:22:25].
Carol:
Unstoppable women. Listen. Because I am a big proponent of stop settling. I think a lot of times we get into midlife and we get that good... We hit what I call that good enough line where everything feels good. It seems to be going right. You may not be happy, you're not overly joyed. You're living this mediocre life. But it feels comfortable, so you stay. And you don't really take the chance to go to that next level, to become that unstoppable woman. Tell me a little bit about that book and what was the impetus of that and the message that you're trying to communicate through that?
Regina:
Actually, it was the opportunity that came across my desk. A friend of mine who was in the last book, because that is actually a series of books called Overcoming Mediocrity. And each component of the book has a different, let's say, title like Unstoppable Women, Influential Women. There is a real thing around that. I saw an opportunity, I said, yes, I would love to be a part of a conversation where 20 women had their circumstances not dictate how their life was going to go. And they chose something different. They chose to be unstoppable. Like, no kidding, this is not going that way. I share my story of how when I started in New York as a plus size model, knew no one. Actually ended up going to the Midwest and then going and finding my agency in the Midwest and then end up going to New York, was no kidding.
And I absolutely made it to the top. That's because I was like, no kidding. It's not going to go this way, even though I know no one. Look, I am going to have it go this way. So you would see me on Essence magazine, you would see me at Lord & Taylor's, the runways of New York and everything. But that's because that was a choice. On the flip side, I share... And I'm not going to give you it all away because that's not going to help. It really is about sharing just all the stories, because there's many stories besides mine, and some have to do with abusive relationships and becoming unstoppable and not staying in that. Some are how they contributed to the community because they had lived through it themselves, or overcoming cancer. I mean, there's a whole lot to see and it's a great book and a great read.
Carol:
But it's so important that... The more that I have these conversations, the more I think it's important that we do share our stories. Because there's so many women that feel isolated and their situation is the only situation and that nobody will understands or it's so unique. And I'm not discounting that there are some uniqueness in everyone's situation for sure. But when you can see any level of similarities or get hope from other women's stories and to hear other women's journeys, it gives you a little something to feel like it's potentially possible for you. And I think one of the things that we touched on earlier was this whole thing around fear that usually keeps us trapped and not going after other things.
I love that you've had this beautifully eclectic career, because you made choices to say yes and to go after what you wanted. And when you needed to pivot, you pivoted. When you saw a need, you met it. I love that you had that tenacity to go after the things that are important to you and that have carried that through in midlife. But I think so many people are fearful of doing that.
Regina:
And that's where I come up with this little ideal of the midlife stretch, where you have to stretch yourself in midlife, or it will be more much of the same. It may look different, but it's still more, much of the same. It's only through having your midlife stretch. Do some things that are fearful to you, that opens up a whole new avenue of possibilities. You'd have no idea that you could do until you're stretched.
Carol:
I love that.
Regina:
So I'm into the mid life stretch.
Carol:
What about the naysayers? Because I'm sure there probably are a few people throughout your life and career who have tried to steer you in different directions or have said to you, well, that's impossible. Or try to maybe lower your dreams or lower your expectations. How did you respond to that? Because that could be a big pull to keep us, as I said, the settling or the mediocrity of not going after what you want. Because we do want our peers to be supportive and encouraging. And when you're surrounded by people or you get enough of that external voice as saying, well, is that a good idea? You're in a great job. Why should you change? Or whatever the case is. Have you had to deal with that, and what would you say to people who are struggling with that?
Regina:
Yeah, of course. I had to deal with that. Well, around my modeling back then it was my mother, she was like, hmm, yeah, you're going to have to have a plan B, or we're not going for this. And that's how I got into pharmaceutical companies. So it was a plan B and she was right. So it did work. But as I got older at this age, now this is midlife, wait a minute, I should care more about my opinion than theirs, and I'm not looking for approval or permission. So if I'm not looking for approval or permission, then you're going to have to get to watch me because that's all you're going to get because the rest...
I gave myself permission. I gave myself, it's okay. It's okay to try something new. It takes something. It really takes something to listen to yourself. It really does. Because we've gone through a whole lifetime of pleasing people, making sure you stay small so they feel big. All that. And I just made a choice. That's all that happened. I made a choice that, no, I'm going to listen to me. I'm going to give myself probation. This is the second half. If it ends tomorrow, guess what? I will be happy with all my choices because guess what? I did it based on what made me happy.
Carol:
I love that. Because I know as women and women of color, sometimes the practicality always wins out. I remember I wanted to sing opera when I was younger, and I studied for a while, but my mother was like, no, my child, you need something that's going to pay you money.
Regina:
Exactly. That's exactly it.
Carol:
And so, of course I abandoned the dream and became a lawyer. But when you're young, yes, we get the practicalities, but that can really embed in our minds, even through midlife. And so when we do have the options to make the choice to give ourselves permission, because either we have the time or the income to make the choices that we want to make. I think sometimes that voice in the back of our heads, whether it's our mom or a peer or whatever, saying, oh, now be practical. May keep us from making that move. But I love what you said, that you gave yourself permission to choose what you wanted to do for your life, because tomorrow's not promised.
Regina:
Exactly. No, it is not. You do have to make that choice. You do have to do it, and you have to do it now because in this world, it is a bit challenging now. And so being that it's not promised, when is it going to be your turn? And I assert that midlife is your turn. So act like it.
Carol:
I love that. Yes. So Regina tell me, what does being a career rebel mean to you?
Regina:
Oh, being a career rebel. That's like not being fearful and being willing to try to expand yourself in different areas, different... Let's see, I would say genres. I know it doesn't quite work for careers, but different areas and see how much you can grow. It really is about seeing how much you can expand and grow and to basically outperform the last thing you did. Just keep outperforming the last thing. It's like you are in competition with you. You're not in competition with anyone else but yourself. I think a career rebel is a person who's out there expanding themselves and outperforming themselves. Impressing. I call it, wow your self. Wow you.
Carol:
Love it. So Regina, we're going to have the information to find you in the show notes where people can find that. But where is the best place would you suggest that people start to connect with you?
Regina:
Linktree is the best place. So it's https://linktr.ee/teatimemidlife. That's it.
Carol:
Perfect. And again, we will definitely have that link and information to show notes so that you can click on it quite easily. Regina, thank you so much for spending this time with me. This has been an amazing, enriching conversation.
Regina:
It has been my pleasure. Really, I enjoyed it. Thank you so much.
Carol:
Thank you. Well, that's it rebels, for another episode of the podcast. And I know you're going to want to have this on repeat. There were so many gems that Regina left with us today. Again, her information will be in the show notes. And listen, until next time, have an amazingly rebellious week and I'll see you soon.
Regina:
Cheers.
