Gen Z Etiquette Coaching: Fixing the Symptoms, Not the System

 Watch my AM Northwest segment on this topic at the end of the article for a quick summary.

While I was in San Francisco, the local news featured a segment on why Bay Area employers were choosing to hire etiquette coaches because their young hires were allegedly treating the office "like an extension of their bedroom." The demand over the last few months had increased by 50% in just two months, and while I get the move to bring in an etiquette coach (I used to teach dinner etiquette to engineers doing business globally), it feels like a Band-Aid intervention, not a long-term solution.  

Without addressing the deeper cultural issues, the same complaints about hygiene, dress codes, and Slack etiquette can resurface within weeks. We're treating symptoms while ignoring the system that created them.

Why Everyone's Suddenly Talking About Gen Z Manners

The perfect storm hit when three things collided this year:

The return-to-office reality check. When you think about it, Gen Z spent their formative years in remote classrooms during the pandemic. They're entering physical workplaces for the first time, and suddenly, employers are shocked that they don't know unspoken office rules (which appear obvious to most) that they were never taught. It's like being mad at someone for not knowing a secret handshake.

Manager burnout is real.  People managers are already 1.7 times more likely to report high stress than individual contributors. So when faced with having "awkward conversations" about basic workplace norms, outsourcing to an etiquette coach feels like the path of least resistance.

Brand reputation fears. When viral TikToks about "office siren" outfits and stories about parents joining job interviews start making headlines, HR departments go into damage control mode. They're not just worried about productivity; they're worried about becoming the next workplace horror story on social media.

What Companies Are Actually Asking Coaches to Fix

I've been talking to executives about the challenges they're dealing with to see if they're aligned with some of the things the Bay Area employers were dealing with, and while those I spoke with say their challenges are quite as extreme, I still thought it's important to share some of the requests shared in the story:

Personal presence issues have become the elephant in the room. One tech firm literally hired a coach after two new hires "didn't change shirts for weeks." We're talking about basic hygiene here, including taking daily showers, wearing fresh clothes, and being mindful of strong fragrances. These aren't unreasonable expectations, but somehow they've become conversation topics that require professional intervention.

Dress code confusion is everywhere. Managers are struggling to explain what "business casual" actually means when your new hire shows up in what they call "office siren" attire. And then there's the debate over name tags. Apparently, there's still confusion about where those go.

Digital communication chaos might be the biggest pain point. Companies like Salesforce have added entire classes on "stop spamming channels" because young employees don't understand the difference between DMing someone and blowing up a team channel. Email subject lines, Slack threading, and when to use email versus instant messaging have become a new language that not everyone is fluent in. 

Meeting manners have become a minefield. Universities are bringing back etiquette dinners because they're getting complaints about candidates texting during interviews. We're talking about basic things like keeping cameras on, using mute buttons, and not FaceTiming friends during a meeting.

Why "Manners Boot Camps" Miss the Mark

Here's where I think we're getting this wrong. Peter Drucker famously said "culture eats strategy for breakfast," and that wisdom applies perfectly here. Teaching table manners without reshaping the underlying cultural norms is a losing game.

When etiquette lessons exist in a vacuum, three things happen:

First, we end up pathologizing an entire generation. Instead of recognizing that our workplace culture might be unclear or outdated, we frame Gen Z as "broken" and in need of fixing. That's not just unfair, it's counterproductive.

Second, we completely bypass the root causes. Vague dress codes, invisible power structures, and the expectation that managers should be available 24/7 create confusion that no amount of etiquette training can solve.

Third, we fuel the kind of disengagement we're trying to prevent. When Gen Z feels policed rather than empowered, they tend to disengage. And then we wonder why quiet quitting is such a problem.

A Better Approach: People-Forward Leadership™ Blueprint

What if instead of just teaching young employees how to fit into our existing culture, we actually examined whether that culture is working for anyone? This is where I believe the People-Forward Leadership™ framework provides a more sustainable solution.

Start with psychological safety. Research consistently shows that teams innovate more when members feel safe speaking up. Instead of making etiquette a top-down mandate, try opening meetings with a 60-second "norm check" where anyone at any level can flag friction points. When people feel heard, they're more likely to engage with feedback.

Make it generational co-creation, not correction. Rather than having Boomers teach Gen Z how to behave, why not invite every generation to define "modern manners" together? I've seen teams create one-page Social Playbooks that actually work because they were co-written by representatives from Gen Z, Millennial, Gen X, and Boomer employees.

Use DISC assessments to surface style differences. Some of what we label as "etiquette problems" are actually communication style differences (except the hygiene issues). Someone with a detail-oriented C-style might see a big-picture I-style colleague as sloppy or unprofessional when, really, they just process information differently. Understanding these differences transforms conflict into collaboration.

Your Quick-Start Action Plan

If you're dealing with these issues right now, here's what I'd recommend:

1. Go ahead and book that etiquette workshop, but position it as Phase 1: Awareness Building, not the final solution. Immediately after, schedule a 15-minute cross-generational debrief to capture the real pain points that emerge.
2. Launch what I call a "Social Playbook Sprint." Give four volunteers from different generations one week to create a one-page guide to your workplace norms. You'll be surprised how much clarity emerges when people actually talk to each other instead of making assumptions.
3. Embed a "Collaboration & Respect" KPI in your quarterly reviews, and tie it to real rewards. People change behavior when it's measured and valued, not just mentioned in training.
4. Finally, review your progress in 90 days and iterate based on what you learn. Use those DISC insights to create feedback loops that actually work for different personality types.

The Bottom Line

Gen Z etiquette coaching can absolutely spark important conversations, but if you stop at "please and thank you," you're missing the bigger opportunity. The real win isn't just teaching young employees how to navigate your current culture; it's creating a culture where every generation can thrive.

At the end of the day, you can feed strategy all you want, but if your culture is lacking, as Peter Drucker said, it will eat that strategy for breakfast every single time.

If you want to move beyond Band-Aid fixes and build something that actually lasts, let's talk about what a People-Forward™ culture shift could look like in your organization.