Stop Focusing On What You Don't Want and Focus On What You Want

mindset May 17, 2018

Everything has energy. It has the power to attract those things you want in your life or repeal those things you don't want. Unfortunately, it can also have the exact opposite effect. Most people don't realize it but we co-create our reality through the energy we're projecting in the world. As such we continue to draw in those things we're fighting so hard to avoid, instead of pulling in the things we want and need. They key is to be aware of how to manage this creative process.

Why? Because what you think about, you bring about. This is a metaphysical certainty. When you focus on what you don't have or want, you only create and draw in the very energy that will reinforce it.

There are three things you must do to shift the energy in your favor.

Get Clear About What You Want

Many of use struggle with a negative mindset because we don't know what we really want.  We lack clarity.

Too many passively live their lives and follow some prescribed script of what they should be doing. I've encountered so many people who are working in professions they don't love but what their parents wanted for them. People who are in unfulfilling relationships because they didn't want to be alone or felt it was "time" to get married. Individuals who watch others create products, inventions, or programs that they've dreamed about but convinced themselves were insignificant or dumb.

There are so many people going through life without clarity of direction, purpose or passion. How many of you are where you are right now and can't really say how you go there? We make decisions in our lives all the time but too often they're made out of fear. Fear of the unknown or being uncomfortable keeps us at status quo. We undervalue our ability to do the things we love because we lack the confidence in ourselves.

What if we made decision out clarity of purpose? Envisioning where we're going, what we want to do, and who we want to become, instead of ignoring our potential.

Clarity pulls you toward your future, lack of clarity pushes you through life.

Focus on What You Want

Now that you're clear about what you want, it's important to focus your energy on that goal. In other words, keep your eyes on the prize.

Sounds simple right? It's actually harder than you think.

I was coaching one of my clients last night and she was struggling with the level of income she was bringing into her business. In her desperation she was "throwing a bunch of stuff out there" in order to find any takers who would buy what she had to offer. She wanted me to give her even more ideas or strategies to make money now. Her challenge, however, was not that she wasn't making money but that she was consumed with not making money. The focus of her energy was scarcity, poverty, and lack. As a result she was living in the fear, overwhelm and guilt. She was reacting to her circumstance and not taking ownership of it. Can you relate to this?

I worked with her on redirecting her energy to what she did want. By getting her to redirect her focus to the clarity she once had in her business and where she wanted to be in her business, she could then redirect her energy toward those necessary tasks that would reinforce income producing activities. While it made sense, the challenge she, and most others face, is the reality of the situation. This can only work with the belief that you are a co-creator of your reality. Only then can you shift your scarcity mindset to one of abundance and success. It doesn't happen over night, but a new set of activities can move you in the right direction. Vision requires execution.

Train Your Brain to Support You

There was an episode of Frasier (one of my all time favorite comedies) where he was learning how to ride a bike. In the episode he kept running in to trees, mailboxes, benches, any obstacle that was in his sight. Why? Because he was fixated on NOT running into them. Because he kept focusing on what he didn't want to happen--don't run into anything--he in effect trained his brain to see every obstacle and head straight in that direction. This is called targeted fixation.

In many ways we've taught our brains to fixate on obstacles, roadblocks, the wrong people, bad advice, scarcity, lack of money or clients, or other negatives we've told ourselves we DON'T want. As a result, however, our brain seeks them out and presents them to us as we've instructed it to. We do this most often in our self-talk.

How we frame the stories in our life, our current circumstances and even how we feel about ourselves gives life and energy to those thoughts and feelings. Ask yourself, "Do I tend to talk about what's not working or the exciting opportunities ahead? Do I talk about myself in derogatory and demeaning ways or with supportive, positive and encouraging words?" Your unconscious mind doesn't decipher between right and wrong, it simple follows orders.

How do we change this? Through positive affirmations, celebrating every victory or success, and speaking words of life and love to ourself DAILY. As with anything new you've learned in life, it takes two fundamental things to make a change: time and practice. If you can commit to training your brain to focus on the things you want, you'll create the energy necessary to attract them your way.

One Additional Thought

Don't underestimate the power of your environment. Social media, television, movies, magazines, and well-meaning friends represent external stimuli that can positively or negatively influence your self-esteem and self-worth. Pay attention to which are the most influencing negative forces and begin replacing them with things that will pull you forward toward what you want.  Awareness will be your greatest tool in this process. And when in doubt, look past your current situation to the magic of what lies ahead.

Accept the truth of our ability to co-create reality and you'll empower yourself to create the life you want.

Need help with this process?

I invite you to pick up a copy of my latest eBook "Exhale the Bullshit and Reclaim Your Crown!"

In this book I'm sharing the reasons we focus on what we don't want and providing you with five psychologically proven steps to regain your confidence and the focus you need to get the things you want in life. 


Because I want you to have this important and life altering information!

  • Learn how to clear the F.O.G. that keeps us blind to how our thoughts and actions prevent us from moving forward.
  • Learn the 8 limiting believes we've exhaled and stops us from focusing on what we want instead of what we don't want.
  • Get the 5 proven steps that will help you change your destructive habits and adapt new ones that will train your brain to work for you.
  • Learn how and when to recycle through the process when you need to get back on track!

It's all here for you. I've condensed 10 years of learning and research into a digestible document that will help you embrace your significance, create a confident image, and send in your authentic confident power.

Isn't it time you reclaimed your crown?



Live, laugh, and unapologetically shine!


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