Whenever I talk about be confident, be bold, go after your dreams and live your best life, I usually hear....
That's easy for you to say Carol.
If you know my story you know that it took me about 50 years to wake up and own my little space in the world. There has always been a little toughness and defiances in me, but I often silenced my voice, dimmed my light, limited my creativity, and avoided the spotlight because I also struggled with self-esteem issues and feeling worthy or even deserving of all that I wanted.
And here's how I did it.....I made a choice.
You see changing isn't so much a process as it is a series of choices. It's every day commitments to do more, show up, and be more. To not listen to old messages of unworthiness, or old stories of limitations and doubt.
Everyday I have to choose not to give into the fear and to step in something greater.....something more.
The beauty of all of this, is you can too.
The confidence ladder is a hard one to climb, particularly for women at midlife, because we've been bombarded with messages that undermine every opportunity we have to feel fabulous about who are, just as we are.
We know deep down we're powerful, intelligent, capable, and at times able to leap a building in a single bound. But more often then not when it's time to leap we freeze and get stuck.
We're pulled and paralyzed by the tension between what we want and were we're at. For too many the tension becomes too great and instead of moving closer to our dreams, we lower our expectations or worse...give up entirely. Well it's time to stop. We need to stop feeding the fear. Stop believing the bullshit and lies we tell ourselves.
Here are the ways we can turn it around and start fighting the fear and building confidence.
The kryptonite to fear is clarity. We need clarity on the who you are, what you want, and how to get there. Without it, we spin our wheels unsure of which direction to go. We also give our minds the time it needs to rationalize and make excuses for not living our best lives or going after what we want
In order to gain this clarity we need space to envision a bold future for yourself. To schedule time from the craziness in the world and focus in on what you want. If we don't break from the habits and routines to really get focused how can we truly visualize and go after what you want.
Creating a vision board is the best exercise you can engage in.
A vision board is a planning tool that allows you to unleash your creativity and daydream in a tangible format. By collecting images that represent your biggest goals and keeping them within sight, you’ll be better able to focus on the next steps to take to reach them.
Not only that, but vision boards can serve to keep you inspired when overwhelm strikes (as it inevitably will), and remind you to keep your eye on the prize.
You need to share your vision, plans, and goals. It's easy to make promises to ourselves, but it's just as easy to break them when nobody knows. Fear knows this so it keeps us silent. Communicating your vision is the best way to stay accountable and committed. It strengthens your resolve, accelerates your progress, makes you mentally tough, and boosts your confidence.
The other benefit of reporting your goals to others is that you'll get support. The path to what you want in life or business is not a clear or direct one. Having a community to share valuable insight, suggestions, and resources that will encourage you along. You'll also motivate others that are secretly watching, cheering you on, and looking for a ray of hope that maybe they can in fact make your dreams come true.
One way you can break out of isolation is to join my Midlife Rebels Facebook Community and join other women facing their fears and going after what they want
Fear will continually creep up because it wants to hold you back and keep in your comfort zone. Once you learn to recognize when this is happening you can better deal with it.
To stop it in it's tracks and set a new course requires you take proactive steps. You can't make excuses, blame your circumstance, or wait to be rescued. You must act, take ownership and accountability, face the fear, be responsible for your actions, acknowledge the struggle, and continue your forward movement.
When you can release the power of fear by not feeding it, you can change your life.
As I said before, ultimately
confidence is about choice.
You can choose to exercise and develop confidence through action, or weaken your confidence and keep it ineffective by feeding the fear.
Get clarity on what you want, create a vision board that keeps your mind set on your intentions, and join and share it with a community you trust and embraces you....the real authentic you.
Unleash your courage within, embrace your brilliance, and confidently embrace who you are at midlife and beyond.
Live, laugh and unapologetically shine!